Saturday, June 19, 2010

Physical Pain vs Emotional Pain

After giving birth to Sybella, I was amazed at how "easy" it had been. Haha," you think. "Surely she jests."
Had Sybella gone to full term and hadnt died, I had planned another caeseran birth, seeing as I had already had one. It just seemed easier...and I was scared of labour, lets be honest.
I grieved the idea of not experiencing labour, but when having Jack, the decision was taken out of my hands because he was breech. I was thankful for this.
As circumstances dictated, Sybella's birth was a normal vaginal birth. Once finished, I realised how much I welcomed the physical pain as a distraction from the emotional pain. What my body was experiencing was nothing compared to what my heart and mind were feeling. I think, in this respect, my experience of the physical pain of labour was negligable. However, I am aware I am one of the lucky very first labour was four hours, no birth injuries, minimal pain relief (well, none, to be precise, as the morphine acted more as a sedative for my emotions than physical pain relief). I acknowledge that labour isnt like that for everyone, and I also think that I may have had a different perspective of the physical pain had I not known that Sybella had died already.
Today, I am forever grateful for making the decision to birth Bell naturally. It made the whole situation "real." It helped us to bond. There wasnt a third party involved, performing caeserean surgery, to bring her into the world. We worked together, just us, to meet each other face to face. Natural birth is purifying. The pain is purifying. I definitely made the right decision. For that I am proud of myself.

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