Sunday, September 12, 2010

My Bedside

This is what my bedside table has looked like since April. Some of these I have read, some I havent. Some I have read only parts of. They have all been valuable. Most grief books seem to say the same things. It makes me wonder if there is a "formula" for grief or perhaps a societal expectation for "normal" grieving behaviour? However, all the books do say that whatever you feel is normal and natural, and you must process your feelings in the way that makes you most comfortable. They also say there is no time limit. I gues that's the main thing. I like the books that dont use majority terminology. For example, "Most people do..." "many parents feel..." "All couples think..." Sometimes I read the sentence and DIDNT feel that or think it or do it. So I felt abnormal, that I had a different experience and was somewhat a variant of the majority. That said, there are only very few books that do that.
Here are the names of the books if you feel like reading any of them:
  • Trying Again: Ann Douglas and John R Sussman. A good guide for those considering a subsequent pregnancy
  • Always a Part of Me (Surviving Childbearing Loss): Amanda Collinge, Sue Daniels and Heather Grace Jones. Valuable because it is a collection of stories from real people with real experiences. I know Amanda Collinge personally and she is quite a remarkable woman.
  • Empty Cradle, Broken Heart (Surviving the Death of Your Baby): Deborah L Davis. I havent read this one yet. Sorry.
  • Pregnancy Loss (Surviving Miscarriage and Stillbirth): Zoe Taylor. A good guide for the emotional side of things. A bit repetitive and general.
  • Small Miracles (Coping With Infertility, Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Premature Birth): Rachel Stanfield Porter and The Bonnie Babes Foundation. I havent read this one either.
  • Stillbirth and Newborn Death: Deb De Wilde and Peter Barr. I spent some time with the author Deb in one of her support groups. She is a fantastic social worker and excels in the field of infant loss. A great read.
I hope this has been of some help to any Babylost Mamas today.


  1. I submitted part of my story to Zoe Taylor's book. Thanks for the tips on some of the others. I have read a couple of them, but didn't know Deb De Wilde had written a book. I have spoken to her as well.

  2. Oh, Hope's Mama, I hope you didnt get me wrong about Zoe Taylor's book...I did find it very helpful overall. I think I was coloured by the fact that I read it straight after returning from hospital. I thought it would be good for me, but I was still in a very individual and personal place of grief...I guess I didnt feel like any advice or anything like that. I do recommend it, though...and congrats on having your story featured! Love to you xxx

  3. No, no! I hope you didn't think I meant that from my comment. Was just pointing it out, that's all. And to say our bedside tables look very much alike!
    Elizabeth McCracken's An Exact Replica of Figment of My Imagination is also a good one for babylost/stillbirth mamas. I have read that several times now.
    And I was like you were with Empty Cradle Broken Heart. I got it just days after Hope died and I really didn't get much from it. Might be interesting to read again now.

  4. Okay, great, I'm glad we sorted that out! I have been reading your blog too lately and it is so heartfelt and honest. I related to so much of it, it was amazing!