Yes, I saw a psychic.
As my friend Hayley would say...a bit "harmy-schwarmy" (love it!) but desperate times call for desperate measures. It was about six weeks after Sybella's birth that I contacted this man and booked a pure clairvoyance reading...one that doesnt use tarot cards, he just looks into my past and future and knows things. Well, some things.
I enjoyed myself, but I also took it with a grain of salt. Mainly, I wanted to know if Sybella was all right. Of course, I cant say with any absolution that this man knew the answer to that definitively, but I guess it was a comfort in some respects.
I arrived and was ushered into a small room filled with candles and tarot reading books. It was quite cosy.
The psychic looked at me and stated "you only want to know about your children." I nodded, as this was correct. I did. He then trod carefully around the next question. "Who has recently died?"
He would have had to think carefully about asking this...even if he DID know Sybella had died. Just in case he was wrong, he couldnt ask a woman he didnt know if she had a dead baby. That woman would freak right out.
I let out my breath and took my time in answering. "My daughter was stillborn 6 weeks ago." The psychic just nodded. "That's a big one," he said. "Wow."
He started at the beginning of my timeline and seemed to know most of my history adequately. He picked up the year in which I got married and when I had Jack. He was accurate on Kelvin's personality, but not Jack's. He started talking about Sybella. He thought that she might have had some lung problems. I dont know about that, as the autopsy was inconclusive. He said that Sybella wanted to be in our family, but it wasnt the right time for her to come. She was coming back to join us, he said. This time, when she came back, she would be healthy and whole and strong, which is what she wanted to do because she wanted to dance. It was all very nice to listen to, but I am not sure whether I believe it all that much. I wanted to...I wanted to think she'd come back to us, but I am a very logical person and have trouble getting my head around it. He spoke about this daughter of ours that would be born in the next two years...I had trouble believing I would have another daughter! I am 99.9% sure our next baby is a boy...if I ever have another girl, I will eat my hat! I think Sybella was my girl and that's what makes her extra special.
The psychic said that our next daughter would be incredibly feminine. Like a pixie. And she would never outgrow it. He said that he could see her at 21, sitting at a table and cutting out lovehearts and butterflies. That sounded cute to me. He said she would be delicate and tiny and a beautiful dancer. All of that made me smile, because it would be lovely to have.
According to him, Sybella was safe and happy and that is all that mattered. She was with a fair skinned, red-haired woman who I think is my great-grandmother. I liked it that she was being looked after. It comforted me immensly.
As for his predictions, time will tell. I'll keep you all posted!