Link to: For Friends and Family
I posted this link on my Facebook page for Born Still (you can "like" the Facebook page on the sidebar if you wish) because it struck a very strong chord with me.
Carly Marie Dudley of The Grief Effect has come up with a list of ways that friends and family can be of the most help during the aftermath of a baby's death.
Now, I have been amazed at the support and kindness I have received in the previous months. Most people have been invaluable in the way they approached me and my family in the aftermath of Sybella's death. I appreciated honesty and sincerity the most, and I really appreciated when people brought up Sybella without being prompted. Because it meant she really existed to them, as well as me.
So I am not posting this link as some underhanded way of telling people how to behave after a stillbirth or neo-natal death. Because most people already know, and I saw the proof of that after Sybella was born.
I am posting this because I think that Carly has so gently and eloquently articulated the most important ways that a baby can be remembered and honoured by people other than his or her parents and siblings.
Sometimes the hardest part of the grieving process is a few months after. Because for everyone else, life goes on. They forget...not through any fault of their own, but because it hasnt affected them personally. I understand that. Sometimes, though, people are surprised to hear that I am still grieving, three and a half months on. Because life has gone on for them, then it must be going on for me, too. And the daily, trivial tasks continue to appear, of course, but there is always a shadow of pain and loss, every single day, and there will be until the day I meet Sybella in Heaven myself. I dont always show it, but the pain is constantly there. There is always something missing.
So I posted this link, just so people know that there are some wonderful ways to keep honouring that baby that died, and to support your friend or family member.
Take some time to have a look. The information is invaluable.
Thank you, Carly.